What We've Got Here is a Failure to Communicate
By having an honest talk about your weight loss efforts and your loved one's influence on them, you will be able to get to the heart of the matter. Explain to them that losing weight is very important to you and that the support of those around you means a lot. Don't be afraid to point out things that make it harder for you to lose weight or give examples of statements that have hurt your feelings.Asking someone for their unconditional support isn't like asking someone to change a light bulb; it takes a little pride-swallowing. But admitting to this person that you need their help may be the first step in improving the situation for both of you.
Here are some ideas:
- "When you prepare a meal for us, I would prefer it if you didn't offer me seconds. Please don't take offense when I refuse."
- "When you bring snacks or fast food into the house, please try to eat them in another room or at least, don't offer me any of yours. These are problem foods for me and hard to resist them."
- "I feel more likely to stick to my walking routine if you will join me every now and again. It's something we can do together.
- "I am carefully watching what I do and don't eat. If I do slip now and again, believe me, I am aware of it. I don't need you to point it out.
In turn, ask your loved one to tell you about their feelings. You may be surprised at what comes to light. Ask them what you can do to help them adjust to your new lifestyle. (If your friend, for example, feels threatened you'll leave her behind for a "new crowd," a simple heart-to-heart may be all it takes for her to put those feelings of fear and resentment behind her.)
Learn to Cope
If you find that your relationship doesn't change, you may have to simply come up with your own ways to either ignore or cope with the situations as they crop up.You may wish to keep a record in your journal of the occasions when someone says or does something that you feel undermines your efforts. At the end of each day, look over these instances and try to come up with ways you can handle the situation better. Often, dealing with these types of influences comes down to avoiding them, ignoring them, or giving yourself the positive self-talk that undoes the damage caused by your loved one's negative influence.
You may find that simply avoiding eating in social situations is a good way to keep these issues from cropping up. Try planning non-food activities with friends and family as often as possible. If you're used to drinks and appetizers with friends, get together for bowling instead; instead of going to your Mom's for dessert, ask her to play a game of cards with you.
The worst case scenario is that you'll have to distance yourself from the person who is causing your weight loss efforts to suffer. Sometimes a breather from a relationship is a good thing. Don't look at it as break up; remember that when you feel stronger or once you've met your weight loss goal, you can pick up where you left off.
The Bottom Line
Each situation is different and only you can decide what is best for both your relationship and your weight loss journey. Remember, no one is able to make you eat or do -- or not do -- anything you set you mind to. It is your body and your health at stake and you have to take charge of it ... no one else can.
